The tao of dating alex benzer
I know in our culture it's kind of the big thing to avoid making mistakes, and... And for the woman the dominant energy tends to be yin. Well let's take a break and this is will be a break to support my sponsors.
And so when that yin is forgotten, in the midst of all this work of instrumentality and doing things, and that's brought back to the home then intimacy can suffer. And listeners, I know you want to get some great discounts on things that would enhance your life! I'd love it if you would listen to the ads that are coming up.
On the show today, we'll discuss the concept of being a goddess and why that idea is appealing to men. And usually these smart people, when you give them a book to do something, they do it really well! So you're saying that it's not just mental capacity and intelligence that's going to get us the relationships that we want, but something way deeper. You also wrote a book called "The Tao of Dating: The Thinking Man's Enlightened Guide to Success with Women," as well as what we're going to talk about today, "The Tao of Dating for Women: The Smart Woman's Guide to Embracing Your Inner Goddess and Finding the Fulfillment You Deserve." Very juicy stuff!
We'll discuss what we need to know about masculine/feminine polarity, as well as the characteristics of bad boys and a little bit of a different spin on what we can expect from them. Alex Benzer, relationship expert and coach for both men and women. So I know that my listeners really care about how to deal effectively with men, especially in this, you know, kind of wild, modern dating world--with online dating and all kinds of things that are so representative of the scene today.
The idea is we all have a certain notion of what a goddess is in our minds. And for example, if you're the kind of woman who can make her man feel like he's fifty feet tall, and can go conquer anything, and go best be the best possible version of himself, and be the kind of guy that he's always imagined himself to be, always wanted himself to be; if you are the woman who is the catalyst for that, than he has nowhere to go and you automatically get goddess status. And a lot of this is about people staying in their comfort zone, because that's what's comfortable, and that's kind of what human inertia leads you them to do. So as a hypnotherapist, I believe that behavioral change only comes through action. When you behave differently, you start getting different results. But the fact is, you know, I've been observing women for a while and noticing what makes them radiant and noticing what makes them very attractive, as a man. It's like, okay; I can see that this increases your radiance. I mean this is a very vulnerable thing for a woman. I had to leave the east coast, come to California and then start opening up to these ideas.
And goddess is radiance, the goddess is grace, the goddess is compassion, kindness, the goddess is someone who supports her companion. And the other thing about, kind of, doing what the goddess does in achieving goddess status, is that when you aren't doing those things, when you are loving, when you are kind, when you are compassionate, when you are gracious--you're feeling the fulfillment already. And the idea is that everything that you want in life is going to be outside your comfort zone. To actually shift those thinking mechanisms, so do you have any sort of exercise, or--I don't know--method, practice for women to shift their thinking about who they are if it comes up in a--Dr. You have to actually do stuff, feel it in your bones, and that's how you get behavioral change. So do we have a couple minutes to do the "Embodying the Goddess" exercise? And that's the piece I wanted to bring up, before we go and embody the goddess with you, Dr. Is that it's a very tender place for women, because myself included, you know, we are not educated as young women to..these ideas and concepts about compassion, and support, and kindness and, you know, being radiant and devotional. It's just not something that's built into our culture, you know, into the mainstream.
So I'm really psyched to talk to you, and some of the things I want to talk about are..of the really great things that you capitalize on in your book, which is how to make a man fall in love with you, bring out the best in him.
I really like your piece on the tell tale signs of bad boys! I mean, we've all heard bad boys before, and we know they're not good for us, and there's something in our unconscious that's attracting them or something really primal and biological, but you have a nice spin on it.
There is no physical impediment to exhibiting these qualities. And that's something that a lot of women seem to have forgotten, especially my friends, my professional friends. And sure, if you have a guy in your life then that's icing on the cake, but you are the cake, and you have the cake and that's you and all the feelings that you're generating for yourself by being that kind of person, who is really a light unto the world. People, for example, are insecure about their age, right? The thing that you want, the growth that you want, the prosperity that you want, the partnership that you want will always be outside your comfort zone. But the fact is that they keep on buying them right? But it's very tender and I appreciate that you've taken the time to, you know, show us an exercise. And so, I just want to kind of set the context for why you would even create an "Embodying the Goddess" exercise for women and then to hold that with the care that it needs, because it's something that I know women struggle with a lot! Alex Benzer: No, and that's really an observation and very well put.It's a quick one and yet the shift can be pretty dramatic, if you do this properly. So we'll be right back with more about this whole, really, being the goddess in this day and age, and how to be more effective in dating. Alex Benzer about how to navigate effectively in this modern dating world and how to embody the goddess. But I want you to talk a little about the particular spin you put on bad boys.So basically this is called "Embodying the Goddess" and the idea is, what does the word goddess mean to you? We'll be right back.[BREAK]Alissa Kriteman: We're back! We just did a great exercise, so I really like that we have that in our toolkit now. Because I've never heard it in quite the way you said it. So first of all, let me give you my simple definition of what a bad boy is.It just takes about four minutes or so to get into this exercise and really feel that shift, because this is what empowerment is. And the idea is just that, go into whatever you’re going into with awareness. And a lot of women think they can change the bad boy or oh, wow, you know, this is such a great romance! And I just want women to be aware of what they're signing up for, because often what they think is going to happen, is not exactly how things are going to unfold.So..I would say if you were to boil down the best, the simplest way to spot a bad boy is the presence of extremes.